FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY WITHOUT YOU
Dearest one,
You still are my every day...
The morning dew on the flowers and grass... The rising
sun...warming my face and Earth... The fancy flight of
fancy...in my head...
Hic et nunc...hic es!
I can’t escape you...you can’t escape me...you are my consciousness... The
‘us’...of us...
I live through you...you live through me...
What I see...I see through ‘our’ eyes...through the lens of clarity... Which has
always made ‘our’ world so magnificently interesting... And ‘ours’ alone...
You are my meditation...I spend so much time in our realm... Still
asking...still thinking...of the...why of it all
The because...of it all...the fate...the perfect alignment of the heavens... The
glamorous turbulence of our minds...
The rapture...the unbridled passion...
The generosity of our souls with each other...and for others
The unconditional acceptance and love...beyond the measure of love... The
fullness we have imbued in each other’s lives…
Lives in our hearts...
Have I told you yet this morning how much I love you?
PRINCE CHARMING
My dearest Prince Charming!
Here I am writing to you for your birthday...
The last time I wrote to you to memorialize that day...was 43 years ago... I
remember watching your face as you read it...and read it again...
You looked at me
‘With the look I live for!’
5 years ago...we read the letter together...nothing had changed... Not even
your physicality...(and no...no rose colored glasses) Who knew ‘Scientific
American’ was the ideal matchmaker!?
Here we are...nailing life and not permitting it to nail us...
My cancer...your cancer...and we live...we love...cherish each other...
Each day...and the myriad flavors of time with our girls... The gift
they have been to me these last 10 years
You and I have always been a given... Your
mind is still a wonder to me...
How you think...conjure...fly...invent...problem solve...
And there we are...
ALWAYS ON THE SAME PAGE!!!, ALWAYS ON THE SAME WORD...
You make my blood boil!
Our constant conversation...religion...science...evolution...literature... The
philosophers...the Existentialists...
The paucity of candidates for the current ‘political circus’... Our
sorrows and hopes for our world
Standing math on its head...making 2=1
Studying together...being enchanted with and by nature You are
such a sophisticated taste...
You make my blood boil! You
make my mind roil!
You bring out the very best in me... You are
my mitochondria...
You make me tick
SHINING GREY
Good morning...my darling... The day
is grey...
You are the brightest grey of the day... Here
you stand...as a proud sentinel... At the edge of
the pond...
You walk toward me...
Looking right at me...announcing your presence... This is as
it should be...
You...‘Great Blue Heron’...the only ‘spirit animal’...that could be mine... You are
staying longer and longer each time you visit...
You are the gift of this landscape... That is
our home...
You give your neck a Tai Chi stretch... Wait
patiently...
Catch a fish...
We breakfast together...
YAHRZEIT
It has been a year...since you left your body...but you didn’t Leave
me...
We still enjoy life together...you and I...
You send me undeniable signs of your ‘PRESENCE’...
You are the ‘GREAT BLUE HERON’...who walks with me at Morikami... You are
the ‘GREAT BLUE HERON’...who walks ‘TOWARD’ me... ‘UNFRIGHTENED’...
From our pond at home...
Curious how you look at me...knowingly...
Inquiringly...
I thank you for coming and visiting me...I tell you ‘I am OK’... And you
nod your head ‘YES!’
I live in our moment...and in the now... You visit
me at night...you ‘SPOON’ me... You whisper in
my ear...
‘CHOOSE LIFE!’
‘CHOOSE LIFE!’
You are still irresistible My heart
listens...
I talk to you constantly Through our
silent MELD… Where did this past year
go... ‘TIME’...and ‘INFINITY’...are...
'FUNGIBLE’...
I am at ‘PEACE’...
We both know the secret of happiness... ‘OUR
LOVE!’...
‘WE CONTINUE’... ‘MOURNING
BECOMES’... ‘EMILY-ELECTRA’...
WHERE ARE YOU
Here...in the middle of my dream...in the middle of us... I’m
tracing your features...
The light blue tributaries of the veins in your torso... The
length of your arm...
You take my hand...we lock fingers...
And you give me these almost imperceptible squeezes... In
synchronization with the beat of my heart...
You write something on my cheek with your nose...
You gently bite my lip...and put your finger in my mouth...
Feel the roof of my mouth...my teeth...
You kiss me...the way only you can kiss me... The way
that can never be taught...
My heart has a different rhythm now...I can feel it in my ears...
Can you hear it too...?
My hair is soaking wet...thin glistening film all over me... You’re
elegant hand...rubs my stomach in circular motions... Pressing on me
gently all the while...
Where do you end...and I begin... Where
are you...
Right here beside me in our queen size ‘MAGIC CARPET’... Taking
me to heaven...again...
Have I told you yet this morning how much I love you?
OPENLY HETERO-SEXUAL
We are so interchangeable you and I...so what are we...We are
all...and everyone...and everything!
We are love...we are feeling...we are emotion...
We are beauty...we are what moves each other to tears...
And to laughter...to despair and awe...and exaltation...we are each other’s
Engines...minds on the go...hither and yonder...you are my leash...
My tether to reality...you keep me grounded...and in flight!
Have I told you yet this morning how much I love you?
OUR KIND
Have I told you yet this morning how much I love you...? You
touch me...awake
You kiss me...alive
Your green eyes...nonstop bore...nonstop into my core You see
me...
You see the potential for goodness...and hope...
The goodness and hope...my parents...decided not to abort... Out of
‘HOLOCAUST’...and chaos
Came ‘REBIRTH’...
The ‘SALVE’ to heal all the hurt...
WE CAME!!! ‘Huddled masses’...on the ‘GENERAL BALLOU’ Optimistic...apprehensive
How?...do...WE...do?
WE CAME!!...TO AMERICA
To be...who we could be
To this great land of ‘DEMOCRACY’...in order to be ‘FREE!’ Diamonds on
the street you’ll find...they shouted from the shore... We waived and
cried...blew kisses too...
Because we knew...we would see them...nevermore... Greeted
by the ‘LADY’
We all raced to ‘debark’...human cargo...2 by 2...off the ‘BALLOU ARK’
Mommy daddy...mommy daddy...hurry up, come to see... All the
glitter on the street...
Mommy daddy...have you looked...have you seen... Diamonds...diamonds they
were right...all those people they were right They said...they said...that in
America...
‘There are diamonds on the street’...
I got down on my hands and knees...silly child of nine...
I gather all the shiny pieces I could hold...fearless me...I thought I was bold! The
laughter...it just pierced my heart...as others gathered round...
They thought I was a little fool...and...not very smart... All that
glitters...is not what it seems...
You should just take that to heart...
That’s just ‘Mica’ glittering away...in the night of a Very full
moon
That was 63 years ago... AMERICA
welcomed me home
THE TEMPEST
I am the ‘HURRICANE’
You are my ‘EYE’...
I whip and tear though everything...
‘TEMPESTUOUSLY!’ ‘VORACIOUSLY’
Trying to taste our world...to know
‘EVERYTHING!’
‘EVERYTHING!’
I ‘SURGE’ and ‘FROTH’
Trying to ‘CONSUME’... And
‘DIGEST’...
‘EVERYTHING’... ‘I...THINK’...
‘I...MUST know’...
Before I am nothing
More...than...
A simple...breeze...
You are the ‘EYE’ of my
‘TEMPEST’!...
You...are ‘YIN’... I am
‘YANG’...
You are the ‘TEMPEST’ I
am...your...‘EYE’
MACKEREL SKY
I can almost touch them...from our bed...
Those shimmering white billows...like the fish scales they’re named for...
We always liked ‘SYNECDOCHE’...and the roots and origins of words...
We used to love to trace them through all the languages we knew...and giggle When it
all made as much sense as geometry does...
The pristine squares and diamonds of my mother’s feather beds... From
Europe...
10 years ago...you had a hard time believing their condition...they looked
‘BRAND NEW’...
Sewn with ‘PARACHUTE SEIDE’
Dusty rose brocade Golden
mustard yellow...
Stunning combination...tucked into the softest linen ‘envelope’... With the
traditional diamond cut out trimmed in lace...
It is called a ‘KOPERTA’...in Polish...‘COPERTA’...in Italian It means
envelope (‘Duvet’ today)
‘Zweibel’...in German ‘Cebula’...in
Polish ‘Tzibele’...in Yiddish Onion...in
three languages... Your very own
‘POLYGOT!’
Have I told you yet this morning how much I love you?
CELESTIAL CONSTELLATION
There are ‘Three Sisters in the ‘Firmament’... They are
our ‘ASTERISM’...
‘Sarah’...‘Tikvah-tainu’...and my mother...‘Sarah’ All
three...extraordinary ‘Women of Valor’...
The three brightest stars in the ‘Belt of Orion’... They are
there to shine their ‘brilliance’ on us...
To heal the ‘battle scars’ life has left on our hearts... To
advise us...we are not alone...
All we have to do is look up... To see
their majesty...
Then...the ills of the world...‘ARE STILL’... For that
moment in time...
We share with ‘THEM’
THE THIEF ALS
The ‘Thief ALS’...
Had another victory last week... It
vanquished Sara Coglianese...
It suffocated her...not permitting her to fill
Her lungs with the precious air we all need to thrive and survive... It sat on
her chest...with the weight of a planet...
Until her heart could not have room for another beat...
Arms...that could not raise or hug her child...
Or embrace the love of her life...
You left an ‘empty vessel’...you thought... ‘Your
Pyrrhic victory’...
Is ‘nought!’
You ‘ravaged a body’...but not a soul... Because
Sara
Inhabits us...
One and all...
The charm...the wit...the grace...the mind...the kind...the thought... The
heart and all...
Resides within us...
One and all...
Sara is safe now...she resides in the ‘Astral Continuum’ With
Alan...
They will always be ours!
TIME
Time is invisible...until that’s all you can see... How did
all my friends
Become so much older than me...
Wrinkles and lines...but...they were all fine... Then the
infirmities...came...one by one...
Loss of the faculties...
That...was no fun...
Why do we call him...
‘FATHER TIME’?
He is father...to none!
Just...90 years...
And then...we are done! The blink
of an eye...
A smile...and a kiss...
And if we’re lucky...perhaps...a little bliss... I miss
you...‘TERRIBLY’...my dear...
ELLEN KOIZIM WOLF...
CAUTIONARY TALE
Men and their asses…
Take all the passes when it comes to a simple life saving test... Their
stubborn behavior...is not the best...
What do you...do
It’s like an ‘OBSTRUCTION’ (PUN INTENDED!) to justice and life! How can
people so bright...be so like the night…
When we have their best interest at heart...
Do right by yourselves...your children...your families and friends... And save
‘ALL’ of us from this curse!
Do right by us...the women who love you...who sit by your side... Through
chemo...and vomit and worse and worse...
All you make of us is a nurse... Please do
right by us...
The women you love...
Have I told you today that I love you?
I DON’T FOOL MYSELF
I taste you...
I taste the sweet salt of our ‘love brine’...
Marinated to perfection...
Each louche movement...
Compounding...
Our pheromones... Sweat...salt...into a
glisten of us... You write something on my torso... “What did you write?”, I ask
“You know what I wrote”...
“HEAVEN”
You come to me in the night... Take me
away...
Then bring me back... To our
delicious bed...
Where all magic is possible... Why do
you bring me back...
We were in the ‘limbo of our oneness’... Raging
heartbeat...
Tear...on my cheek... I don’t
fool myself... Alan...
I see your inscription on me... I taste
us...
FOREVER A WIDOW...NEVER ALONE
It all begins with an idea.
It’s been a week since you left… how am I doing… I’m doing…
Everything I touch has your fingerprints on it…
I look out… and there are our purple ‘twilight clouds’
I go into your closet and sit on the floor and
‘Inhale you’...
Have I told you yet this morning how much I love you?
NOT THE URN TYPE
It all begins with an idea.
You are home with me…
Where you belong…
Magic…all 6 feet of you are reduced…to a black plastic box…
Just like Paul Rudolph
Simple…nothing fancy just like the two of you
I place my head on the box…I hear my heartbeat…or is it your heartbeat…
Feels like ‘HOLIDAY HEART’
An extra beat...when you’ve had too much to drink…
I am sleeping on your side of the bed...my right arm rests on you…
I hold my phone…we’re always touching…
Alone in the house… I don’t feel alone…
EPILOGUE 2
It all begins with an idea.
Come...
Let’s...
Make...
Love...
Drench...
The...
Sheets...
With The...
Sweet...
Juice...
Of...
Us...
...Wrap...
...Ourselves...
In...
Each...
Other...
Then...
We...
Sleep...